Remember the person you used to text all the time? The one you hooked up with a few times? The one who stopped responding all of a sudden? The one who still likes all your Instagram photos and views all your snaps? Yeah, that person, why are you still so obsessed with them? Sometimes, it’s hardest to get over the people you were really into but never quite made it into formal dating territory with. We’ve all been stuck in that “almost dating” limbo, and can’t help but beat ourselves up about what could have been. To be honest, if you never actually ended up in a relationship with someone you were talking to but you were hoping to move in that direction, it’s easy to get trapped in what I like to call honeymoon purgatory. Instead of things naturally playing out as they would have if your relationship blossomed, revealing the real and potentially less attractive sides of that person, they remain forever preserved in our minds as the seemingly perfect match who got away.
So how do you get over someone you never actually dated?
1. Do a Social Media Blackout
In an increasingly social media-centered world, it’s easier to fall more into honeymoon purgatory by constantly checking someone’s social accounts. You start to find more ways of how this person is the perfect match for you—
“Did he post an Insta picture at the Warriors game? He must be a Warriors fan, we’re so similar. Look, he just posted a snap of him and a puppy, dog lover? Definitely my soulmate. Aww, he just posted a photo with his sibling, he’s such a good older brother. I love my sibling too. ”
This thought process occurs because we inflate our image of this human being we never dated and think about stuff like “oh it would be so fun to date, we would be such a good couple” when in reality, you probably don’t even know this person super well. So what do you do when you become unhealthily obsessed with someone on social media? Unfollow, unfollow, unfollow! Smash that unfollow, defriend, delete and mute button asap. If you’re not about that unfollow life, then just hide them and their friends from your newsfeed—I read a funny tweet recently that said “Posting a snapchat for 1 specific person to see is the modern day equivalent of Gatsby hosting elaborate parties in hopes Daisy would attend.” So don’t be a lonely af Gatsby, and hide them from your snap newsfeed so you don’t have to constantly check to see if they viewed your snap. My personal cleansing method is deleting a person’s number because who wants to be just a number and no name in someone’s phone? New Phone, Who Dis? But recently these deleted numbers have been showing up as “Maybe: Person’s Name” so thx Apple for that.
2. Accept That Things Didn’t Work Out
The hardest part about moving on from a kinda-sorta relationship is really accepting the fact that things didn’t work out and probably won’t in the future. Maybe it was bad timing or a combination of other complicated life circumstances but clinging on to that hope that it might work out later down the line is probably the worst thing you can do to yourself. Most of the time when things don’t make it to the next level it isn’t because of something you did or didn’t do but because of the other person’s lack of interest or behavior. This can feel personal but one of the biggest reasons relationships fail to grow between two people who have an initial connection is timing. You could be the most perfect match in the world for this person but he or she might just not be ready for a relationship right now. It’s not fair for you to wait for them until they are ready so 100% cast it out of your mind that they’ll be ready soon enough and don’t put your life on hold.
3. Start Seeing Other People
It’s normal to take some time to heal from these situations but instead of chatting about it with your squad over drinks or lunch constantly, move forward. We spend so much time analyzing the situation with our friends to see where the error was and how it could have been fixed that we miss out on getting back in the game. It would be a huge mistake to take yourself out of the dating game to mourn the loss of someone who never gave themselves fully to you in the first place. So get up, get active, post a thirst trap, download Hinge, go to a bar and chat someone up because most likely, they’re not out moping about you to their friends.
Last little tip, don’t keep hooking up with this person knowing that it won’t turn into something more because in the famous words of Dua Lipa, “if you’re under him, you ain’t getting over him.”
