It’s officially the holidays! ’Tis the season to be happy, loved, stressed, excited, anxious, lonely all at once. You’re probably wondering, What do you mean? The holidays are such a joyous occasion. But for many, holidays can bring about many uncomfortable feelings and experiences that can trigger stress and anxiety. Maybe it’s too much time with family and friends? Maybe it’s not enough? Maybe it’s comparing yourself to others? Maybe it’s figuring out what’s next? Whatever it is, just know you’re not alone. The holidays bring out so many emotions that tend to challenge my mental health, so here are some ways I like to cope:
1. Choose to Say No
Do you feel obligated to attend every social gathering? Or guilt tripped into going to all the family get togethers? If you answered yes, you’re not alone. It’s okay to take your space and set boundaries in your relationships with friends, family, and loved ones. At first, it can be a little uncomfortable, but you also don’t want to commit to something then 1. Be miserable at the event or 2. Cancel last minute.
I used to be the type of person who would be like “Okay, yeah I’m kinda down” to events I knew I didn’t want to go to but I’ve definitely gotten better (even thought sometimes, I can be convinced). I like to look at an overall grid of who’s going, will I have fun in whatever’s happening, how much does it cost, what can I be doing instead, and what’s my current mental state like. And if things don’t check off, I’m out. You can’t keep saying yes to everything or you will burn yourself out.
2. Don’t Compare Yourself to Others
Why do the holidays sometimes bring this unspoken competition between friends and family? Conversations always start with, “Sooo, what have you been up to?” And before I know it I’m listening to every awesome thing everyone’s done and don’t get me wrong; I want those around me to excel greatly in life but then I think about what I haven’t done.
I’m dating someone but I’m not engaged or married.
I’m moving to a new apartment but I don’t own it.
I love my job but I’m not at that next-level.
It makes your accomplishments feel a little short in comparison to everyone else but one thing you have to remember is these feelings are self-imposed. Go into conversations with an open-heart and mind, be genuine, and remember, no one’s accomplishments are there to “one-up” you. We’re all on our separate tracks just trying to keep our heads above water and supporting each other.
3. Focus on Meaningful Connections
The holidays are a great time to figure out who are people you absolutely need in your life and who are people that are nice to have around. It’s totally normal to categorize your friends into social friends – people you love going out or socializing friends and then friends you have a deeper connection with – people who ask about your life, stay connected to you, and when you see them after months and months, it’s like nothing has changed.
As much as we want our friend groups to stay the same, the inevitable is that we are all evolving and branching out into different phases of our lives. Each year new friends will come in and people you thought you’d have in your court forever will leave, and that’s okay. Focus on what’s good for you.
4. Be Kind & Find Good in Others
Never assume what’s going on in someone’s life, relationship, household, whatever it is. On the surface or on social media, everything can look picture perfect but you can’t label what people are going through so it’s super important to be kind and check in on others. Studies show that a simple act like smiling at a stranger can improve your mood. So why not take a couple seconds out of your day to make yourself and someone else feel better? Find the good in others, empathize with them, and lift the spirits of those around you – it’ll mean so much during this time.
5. Let Go of Perfectionism
Let’s be real, life isn’t perfect and neither are the holidays. We put so much pressure on ourselves during this time to give the best presents, throw the best holiday party, figure out the best plans but it ends up taking a toll on our well-being. So instead of striving for perfection, give yourself a break and relax. It’s okay if everything doesn’t go exactly as planned – “good enough” is really “good enough”!
6. Manifest the Future You Want
If you you asked me a couple years ago if I believed in the whole manifestation stuff, I would have laughed. My best friend (shoutout to Keshu) got me into this last year when there was sort of eclipse and said write down exactly what you want with specific time frames and put it into the universe that you will accomplish these things.
Not gonna lie, most of the stuff I manifested came true. They were so specific and of course, I worked towards these things but still something about the power of manifestation got me.
Think about what you want out of the new year, write it down, I promise it’ll come true. Work towards the future you want because it’s right there! It’s just waiting for you to grab it.
7. Ditch the ‘Grass is Always Greener on The Other Side’ Mentality
This is like the worst thing that came out of social media honestly – what you don’t have always looks more appealing. When you’re single, you crave a relationship. When you’re in a relationship, you crave more single carefree nights. When you love your job and working all the time, you miss the free time. When you have the free time, you wish you had a job you loved.
Everything always looks better on the other side and the best way to cut through the noise is listing out your priorities and how to get there. Everyone’s on different trajectories, everyone’s gotta make sacrifices to achieve what they want and your sacrifice will never be the same as someone else’s depending on what the outcome is. So figure that out.
For me, I want a life that’s fulfilling in all aspects – work, relationship, family, travel, everything. I want to leave a legacy. I want to make an impact. And I think I’m starting to realize that I’ll need to make more sacrifices socially to achieve this next year. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself, maybe I’m not being hard enough – I guess we’ll see.
