The holiday season is upon us, and you know what that means, there’s a whole lot of people coming out of the woodwork. From lonely exes to nosy aunties to the one cousin who won’t stop bragging about his/her accomplishments (we get it Raj, you started your own company, sold it at the age of 15 only to start another multi-million dollar firm at the age of 17), we’re all going to encounter an interesting bunch this Thanksgiving and Christmas. Now, you may be new to spotting these avoidable people because maybe you’re just a joyful and happy person all around and thinks the holidays are all about giving people a second chance….if that’s the case, I suggest you exit this blog asap. But for those of you still reading, Nehal Tenany is stepping in to change your holiday experience. Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle this season, here’s who to avoid and how:
1. The Nosy Aunty Gang
Who: This little gang is at every holiday gathering, these aunties will start off timid by asking you about your career and aspirations, then slowly get into how you’ve gained or lost weight, then transitioning into your love life and how you’re young and should think about marriage and why the hell are you single and lastly ending with unsolicited advice on how to get a man or be “the perfect wife”…..because, isn’t that our main goal in life?
Defining Characteristics: Bulging eyes looking around, typically in a corner drinking chai, always looks at you from head to toe when talking to you and never directly at your face, constantly judges your every move – what you put in your plate, what you’re eating, how you’re sitting.
How to Avoid: I’m the queen of sarcasm, you don’t want to be disrespectful but who says you can’t turn the tables on them a little bit? If you’re asked if you’re in a relationship, grab a turkey leg off the table, bite into it, and say “in a relationship with food.” Did they just say you gained weight again? Tell them it’s the winter, the extra fat will keep you warm. What’s their excuse?
2. The Politically Opinionated Samaritan
Who: Being passionate about politics and being completely ignorant about your views can have a fine line; this holiday season, make sure you know the difference. There’s a time and place to to be talking about politics and this individual is completely unaware of this golden rule. Whether it’s that overly passionate uncle trying to convince everyone that Donald Trump is indeed a great president or just someone at the table who has to throw in the “I’m pro choice” at the dining table…..there’s a time and place, people.
Defining Characteristics: Constantly asking to the turn the news on, makes every conversation into a political stance (ex. “That’s a very democratic thing to say), has CNN alerts on their phone, asks “hypothetical questions” about climate change, healthcare, education etc.
How to Avoid: BE SWITZERLAND. BE NEUTRAL.
3. The Ex with the Holiday Feels
Who: Y’all have that one ex that you never talk to but still never fails to hit you with that “Merry Christmas” or “Happy New Years” text. Did a name just pop up into your head?
Defining Characteristics: Home for the holidays, single AF, sees you happy being single or in a relationship and wants a reaction out of you, doesn’t like your social media photos but always views your stories and is delusional because he thinks you’re friends when you never talk.
How to Avoid: This is a trap, do you hear me? Your ex is lonely, your ex is single, they want to see if you’ll respond. A “happy holidays” text will send you into a whirlwind of feels and memories of the good holiday times between the two of you. If your relationship is truly platonic now, then reply. But if this is that ex, the one that played a significant role in your life but your life is much better because you parted ways, I would say don’t fall for it.
4. The Forgotten High School Friend
Who: That high school friend who hits you up every spring break, thanksgiving break, summer break and Christmas break to mention that they’re back in town and you guys should hang out. Do you guys ever hang out? No.
Defining Characteristics: Peaked in high school, still wears her Juicy Couture and Uggs outfit or still wears his Hollister polos, spends holidays at the gym trying to run into old high school friends and visits your old high school to say ‘hi’ to old teachers.
How to Avoid: Reply “hey, I’m not in town anymore, how about next time?” every year until someone dies or just stops responding.
5. The Excessively Happy Couple
Who: The newly engaged “look at us” couple, the “we have no problems, we’re perfect” duo, the couple that basically wants you to know that their relationship is far better than yours, and if you’re single, that’s a double sucker punch for your lonely ass.
Defining Characteristics: Wears matching Christmas sweaters or onesies, writes insta captions like “all I want for Christmas is you,” gets overly excited when someone write “goals” on a photo with their significant other.
How to Avoid: You can’t. Maybe go buy yourself one of those boyfriend pillows as you sleep again alone tonight.
6. The Overambitious Coworker
Who: That one coworker who always wants to “get things done before the holidays come around”, like jeez Karen, you’re not the only one getting the holidays off. Maybe you should have planned your work organization better so the holidays aren’t rushed? Hmmmmm?
Defining Characteristics: Disorganized, frantic about deadlines, probably scared about losing her job and her boss, sends holiday eCards via email, sets up 10 minute meetings when something could have been accomplished with a single email.
How to Avoid: Set your ‘out of office’ 4 days in advance to keep their organizational skills on track.
7. The Spotlight Lover
Who: That overachieving individual who constantly boasts about their accomplishments to hear compliments for self-validation purposes. They may be single af with no friends and no hobbies, but the one thing this person can hold onto is their wins, so that’s why they have to keep bringing it up.
Defining Characteristics: Works at a startup or owns one, emotions are driven by stock prices, one ups all of your accomplishments with a “better” one of theirs, mostly sits and eats with the parent crowd, and has a fake life and a different voice for when he/she speaks to parents.
How To Avoid: Try to get a rise out of them. Did they get into the Olympics for next year? Tell them the Olympics were rigged.
8. The Cryer
Who: The person who cries about how happy they are to be around everyone, the person who cries because they are single or unhappy in their relationship, the person who cries because their Thanksgiving dish didn’t turn out right, the person who cries because they’re drunk.
Defining Characteristics: Drinks an excessive amount of wine, gives speeches at all the holiday parties, pulls people aside to tell them how important they are to them, feels like people are gossiping about them all the time.
How to Avoid: Give them a cup for their tears.
So… there you have it? Who’s prepared for the holiday season? Are you any of these people? Yikes! Follow @nehaltenany on Instagram for more content!
