There’s no easy way to say it: Dating is hard. I mean, sure, you can go to a bar and chat up a stranger or swipe left on tinder for a one night stand but the thought of going on actual dates with actual people and possibly committing to someone? It can feel impossible especially in this whole “what are we”/“we’re just friends” era we’re all stuck in. Most of the time, we stand in our own way on our search for finding the right person. We have this notion that we need to have insane chemistry with a person on the first date in order for it to work so we dismiss awesome people who we don’t become obsessed with instantly. We’re also very aware of all the options out there so we tend to look for someone new when we get even a little bored. Even more so, how many times have you tried to make it work with someone because it’s just easier to do that than starting over? In other words, this generation is a dating blackhole.
You’re probably wondering why you’re taking dating advice from someone who sucks at dating but hey, there’s no one who gets you as well as someone whose on the same page as you. We all need all the help we can get, so let’s take advantage of the new year and stick to some of these dating resolutions in 2018:
1. End the Era of F*ckboys.
F*ckboy isn’t just a term, it’s an identity. Y’all it’s about to be 2018 and I think it’s officially time to stop tolerating f*ckboys, like seriously ladies, unite. Is he somehow a better texter during the late hours of the night? F*ckboy alert, because nothing good ever happens after 10 pm. Does he post wildin’ snaps literally every weekend? F*ckboy. Does he have a “bros over hoes” mentality? F*ckboy. Are his friends exactly like him and you can’t stand them? Cult of f*ckboys. Are you thinking about a certain someone when you read all this? Drop him ASAP. I declare, to end the f*ckboy era. Let’s bring chivalry back with open car doors and “no” to Netflix and chill.
2. Let Go of Your Checklist
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a mental checklist of my ideal guy — is he successful? Is he spontaneous? Is he family-oriented? Does he like sports? Does he love superheroes (can’t seem to let this one go)? But sometimes we get so obsessed with finding someone that fits our ideal checklist that we ignore all the other amazing people around us. I’m not saying ditch the checklist completely but sometimes even your simplest list of non-negotiable deal breakers is the very thing keeping you from finding someone who may be compatible with you. Be more open minded and stop looking for your future husband in every guy you meet.
3. Communication is Key
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it until I die: No one in this whole world is too busy to send a text message. But anyways, everyone has different communication styles, some people like texting while others prefer calling or face to face conversations—honestly it’s a preference. I don’t blame people for preferring a certain way to communicate BUT mind you, if you want a partner who will text you back and not leave you hanging, don’t settle for someone who sucks at it. Aside from the texting aspect of communication, you should also make it a point to communicate your needs/wants clearly — if you’re not looking to just hook up then make it clear right off the bat so there’s no mixed signals/awkward grey area.
I go off on a mini rant about bad texters in my previous blog post. #RelatableAF
4. Don’t Pretend to Be “Chill”
This one’s pretty self explanatory, I’ve tried to be the “cool girl” and it does not work. If you’re not cool with something/if something is bothering you then just be straight up and real. Guys would much rather have you be honest then have you overthinking and analyzing every little situation because you were trying to be “chill.” Don’t lower your standards or change your values for someone else. And, if you hate playing games like I do, then cut the games because they never end well and someone always loses.
5. It’s Okay to Not Be Interested
This is an ode to Nehal—do you ever just go on a date with a guy and he’s so much more into it than you are? Or he’s just bland when you’re so flavorful? He thinks the date went great but you were bored out of your mind. Fast forward, the date ends and he asks you out again but you’re just not interested. You continue to make excuses of how you’re always busy but you won’t straight up say you’re not interested because you feel bad. Well new rule of 2018, ITS OKAY TO NOT BE INTERESTED. Thank the person for their time and shut that door because you don’t want to string someone on when you already know what you want…..not them oops.
6. Don’t Stress Your Relationship Status
Are you guys talking? Exclusive? Dating? What are you guys? Honestly, who cares what you are if you’re on the same page. By constantly stressing over your relationship status, you’re straying away from living in the moment and allowing friends, peers and others to speculate on your relationship. Enjoy being a thing with someone before you jump into the whole “what are we”/labels conversation—definitely have that conversation, but don’t get riled up about it the second you start dating someone new.
Treat dating like an experiment, the goal is to find the right match but with a large margin of trial and error. So put yourself out there and be transparent, be kind and have fun! Happy Dating!
